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Let's spend Memorial Day weekend damaging our bodies enough to ensure the military never wants us

I can think of no better way to honor our fallen Civil War Union soldiers than by reminding Confederate flag-wavers that our current president is black

My Memorial Day weekend will be a vacation from listening to your plans for Memorial Day weekend.

This Memorial Day, let's try not to open fire on hostile drivers

Let's commemorate our departed WWII veterans by eating German frankfurters and Italian sausages

Let's spend Memorial Day weekend celebrating the fact that Osama Bin Laden is still dead

Happy Memorial Day to someone who gets post-traumatic stress from watching Saving Private Ryan in HD

I could totally see getting into a relationship with you from the Friday before Memorial Day until Memorial Day

I'm concerned that chilly Memorial Day conditions may impede you from wearing a bikini

This Memorial Day, let's remember all the fallen Facebook stock.

Happy Memorial Day to someone who still complains about how much it hurts to get shot by a paintball gun

Happy Memorial Day to someone who would stab himself in the leg to avoid military service

I will be solemnly honoring our military this weekend because no one invited me anywhere fun

I'm paying my respects to all our nation's heroes who vacation near me

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