Mom, thanks for not sending me to high school with Mitt Romney.
Mom, thanks for providing me with love that's as never-ending as your voicemails.
My Mother's Day gift to you is not deleting the embarrassing comments you make on my Facebook Wall.
Mother's Day is a sobering reminder that I have children.
You're like a mother to me which probably means our relationship is dysfunctional.
Happy Mother's Day to a mom who didn't intentionally get knocked up to be on MTV.
Anytime you worry if you were a good mom, remember that at least I didn't turn out like Bin Laden.
I'm sorry that your cats don't understand what Mother's Day is.
Mom, thanks for not being famous enough to adopt a black baby instead of having me.
I just cannot believe I used to live up your snatch.
Happy Mother's Day to all my bitches.
Sorry I make you question your mothering skills on a daily basis.
Happy Mother's Day to the greatest mom in the world besides Michelle Obama.
Congratulations on still somehow not being a mother despite your astonishing sexual promiscuity.
