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Anytime you worry if you were a good mom, remember that at least I didn't turn out like Bin Laden

I love how we don't even need to say out loud that I'm your favorite child

Mom, thanks for bringing me into a world where love can be expressed electronically

Mom, thanks for not being famous enough to adopt a black baby instead of having me

I haven't felt this close to you since I was sucking your tits

Happy Mother's Day to a mom who didn't intentionally get knocked up to be on MTV

Congratulations on still somehow not being a mother despite your astonishing sexual promiscuity

Happy Mother's Day to all my bitches.

Happy Mother's Day to a mom who shouldn't assume my graduation means the end of my financial dependency

I credit who I am today to you filling me with self-esteem and prescription stimulants

Thanks for not putting me up for adoption unless you're not really my mom

Mom, thanks for teaching me about boundaries by never observing any

Mom, thanks for never sleeping with any of my friends who thought you were hot

Dad was incredibly lucky to have you before the marriage crumbled

Thanks for not ditching me in a dumpster

Thanks for helping me learn from your mistakes with men

I'll always be grateful that you didn't abort me

Thanks for putting your dreams on hold so I could fail miserably at piano

Thanks for always thinking about me to the detriment of your own mental health

Have a happy Mother's Day before your kids reach an age when they're completely jaded about Mother's Day

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Someecards.com is the best site for free, funny ecards. We have greeting cards for every occasion - from important to utterly pointless. Send greetings for apology, birthday, baby, breakup, congratulations, encouragement, farewell, flirting, friendship, get well, sympathy, thanks, thinking of you, wedding, workplace, and holidays like Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We suggest you e-mail them to friends, family, coworkers, loved ones, liked ones, and anyone else with fingers.