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I'd like to thank Faisal Shahzad for getting me out of taking my mom to a Broadway show this Mother's Day

Stripper moms can rest easy this Mother's Day knowing a full recovery is expected for Bret Michaels

I haven't felt this close to you since I was sucking your tits

Mom, thanks for not being famous enough to adopt a black baby instead of having me

My Mother's Day gift is to remind you I may eventually move somewhere less terrifying than New York City

Happy Mother's Day to the greatest mom in the world besides Michelle Obama

Congratulations on still somehow not being a mother despite your astonishing sexual promiscuity

May your Mother's Day celebration temporarily distract you from the horrid economic reality of delayed retirement

Let's set aside time this Mother's Day to mock the disintegrating sex lives of our friends with children

Mom, thanks for bringing me into a world where love can be expressed electronically

Thanks for putting your dreams on hold so I could fail miserably at piano

Sorry I made you a mother and ruined our fun

Mom, thanks for teaching me about boundaries by never observing any

Let's celebrate my spermatozoa being able to penetrate your fallopian tubes and fertilize an egg

Thanks for helping me learn from your mistakes with men

Thanks for not putting me up for adoption unless you're not really my mom

I'd have made you breakfast in bed if you'd taught me how to cook

Dad was incredibly lucky to have you before the marriage crumbled

Mother's Day never feels like a chore because I know someday you'll be dead

I credit who I am today to you filling me with self-esteem and prescription stimulants

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Someecards.com is possibly to probably the best site on the Web for free, funny ecards. We have greeting cards for every occasion - from important to utterly pointless. Send greetings for apology, birthday, baby, breakup, congratulations, encouragement, farewell, flirting, friendship, get well, sympathy, thanks, thinking of you, wedding, workplace, and holidays like Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We suggest you e-mail them to friends, family, coworkers, loved ones, liked ones, and anyone else with fingers.