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  • Jul. 13th, 2011

    Sometimes you remind me of Lord Voldemort in that you're the whitest person I know.

    Sometimes you remind me of Lord Voldemort in that you're the whitest person I know.

  • Mar. 21st, 2012

    May you not be slaughtered by teenagers while fighting for a good seat at The Hunger Games.

    May you not be slaughtered by teenagers while fighting for a good seat at The Hunger Games.

  • Mar. 20th, 2012

    You'd totally win the Hunger Games if passive-aggressive behavior could kill.

    You'd totally win the Hunger Games if passive-aggressive behavior could kill.

  • Mar. 21st, 2012

    I'd rather elect President Snow than President Santorum.

    I'd rather elect President Snow than President Santorum.

  • May. 4th, 2012

    My superpower is stopping drunk friends from uploading embarrassing photos to Facebook.

    My superpower is stopping drunk friends from uploading embarrassing photos to Facebook.

  • Jul. 31st, 2011

    Let's take longer to pick the movie than it would take to watch it.

    Let's take longer to pick the movie than it would take to watch it.

  • May. 17th, 2010

    Let's go see a movie about a teenage girl's decision between necrophilia and bestiality.

    Let's go see a movie about a teenage girl's decision between necrophilia and bestiality.

  • May. 6th, 2009

    My script for Cannon Ball Run III is now completely wasted.

    My script for Cannon Ball Run III is now completely wasted.

  • May. 15th, 2012

    Please suggest a movie for us to see so that I can find out if you have terrible taste.

    Please suggest a movie for us to see so that I can find out if you have terrible taste.

  • Apr. 1st, 2009

    I'm sorry that your favorite work of illustrated fiction is now, thanks to the film adaptation, forever associated with a giant blue penis.

    I'm sorry that your favorite work of illustrated fiction is now, thanks to the film adaptation, forever associated with a giant blue penis.

  • Feb. 23rd, 2011

    I'm predicting this year's Oscars will be incredibly predictable.

    I'm predicting this year's Oscars will be incredibly predictable.

  • May. 16th, 2008

    I want to pass down to my children the tradition of giving all my money to George Lucas and Steven Spielberg.

    I want to pass down to my children the tradition of giving all my money to George Lucas and Steven Spielberg.

  • May. 16th, 2008

    I wish Hollywood hadn't violated my trust in 1989 by claiming it was the Last Crusade.

    I wish Hollywood hadn't violated my trust in 1989 by claiming it was the Last Crusade.

  • May. 17th, 2009

    Promise me no matter how depressing our love lives get, we'll never give up watching romantic comedies that make us feel even worse.

    Promise me no matter how depressing our love lives get, we'll never give up watching romantic comedies that make us feel even worse.

  • May. 16th, 2008

    I refuse to see Indiana Jones because it will spoil all the intriguing plot secrets.

    I refuse to see Indiana Jones because it will spoil all the intriguing plot secrets.

  • Jul. 25th, 2011

    I wish America was doing half as well as Captain America.

    I wish America was doing half as well as Captain America.

  • Sep. 14th, 2011

    Good luck convincing people you're seeing Drive for the cool chase scenes rather than your overwhelming man-crush on Ryan Gosling.

    Good luck convincing people you're seeing Drive for the cool chase scenes rather than your overwhelming man-crush on Ryan Gosling.

  • Jul. 15th, 2008

    Based on the trailers, I can't quite tell if Batman is in the new Batman movie.

    Based on the trailers, I can't quite tell if Batman is in the new Batman movie.

  • May. 18th, 2008

    I'll take you to Sex and the City in exchange for a handjob during a Michael Bay film.

    I'll take you to Sex and the City in exchange for a handjob during a Michael Bay film.

  • Sep. 14th, 2008

    I think the most offensive thing about Tropic Thunder is that it made Tom Cruise sort of cool again.

    I think the most offensive thing about Tropic Thunder is that it made Tom Cruise sort of cool again.

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