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    Let's pay our respects to Sex and the City for inspiring us to move to a city where all we can afford are movie tickets.

    Let's pay our respects to Sex and the City for inspiring us to move to a city where all we can afford are movie tickets

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    I can't identify with the bank robbers in The Town because I can't imagine not wanting to be chased by Jon Hamm.

    I can't identify with the bank robbers in The Town because I can't imagine not wanting to be chased by Jon Hamm

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    I hated Mel Gibson's new movie even more than Mel Gibson hates talking about hating Jews.

    I hated Mel Gibson's new movie even more than Mel Gibson hates talking about hating Jews

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    Sorry Ben Affleck gives a better performance this year than the Red Sox.

    Sorry Ben Affleck gives a better performance this year than the Red Sox

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    Let's honor Kate Winslet's breakthrough year for women by discussing the nuances of her weight fluctuation.

    Let's honor Kate Winslet's breakthrough year for women by discussing the nuances of her weight fluctuation

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    I'd love to not share my popcorn and candy with you during The Hunger Games.

    I'd love to not share my popcorn and candy with you during The Hunger Games

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    I fear liking Sex and the City could be the final nail in my heterosexual coffin.

    I fear liking Sex and the City could be the final nail in my heterosexual coffin

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    I hope the Wall Street sequel explains how Charlie Sheen ended up earning $2 million per shitty sitcom episode.

    I hope the Wall Street sequel explains how Charlie Sheen ended up earning $2 million per shitty sitcom episode

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    It must be difficult to root for the kid in Slumdog Millionaire if you're a recent millionaire now living in a slum.

    It must be difficult to root for the kid in Slumdog Millionaire if you're a recent millionaire now living in a slum

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    I'm worried the horrific consequences of reckless blackout drinking portrayed in The Hangover may cause you to steer my bachelor party away from reckless blackout drinking.

    I'm worried the horrific consequences of reckless blackout drinking portrayed in The Hangover may cause you to steer my bachelor party away from reckless blackout drinking

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    I'm excited to see any movie or play in which Daniel Radcliffe does or doesn't show his cock.

    I'm excited to see any movie or play in which Daniel Radcliffe does or doesn't show his cock

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    Before we see the movie, let me walk you through my haunting and incomprehensible theories on The X-Files.

    Before we see the movie, let me walk you through my haunting and incomprehensible theories on The X-Files

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    I bet the Robert De Niro of Taxi Driver would shoot the Robert De Niro of Little Fockers.

    I bet the Robert De Niro of Taxi Driver would shoot the Robert De Niro of Little Fockers

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    Thanks in advance for not attempting to explain how Avatar was made while we're watching Avatar.

    Thanks in advance for not attempting to explain how Avatar was made while we're watching Avatar

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    The Republican primaries have fully prepared me for seeing Titanic 3D.

    The Republican primaries have fully prepared me for seeing Titanic 3D

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    I'm glad we at least know the cartoonish Indiana Jones villains are still adherents of a horrifyingly murderous historical regime.

    I'm glad we at least know the cartoonish Indiana Jones villains are still adherents of a horrifyingly murderous historical regime

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    Let's observe a moment of silence for Mike Myers' sense of humor.

    Let's observe a moment of silence for Mike Myers' sense of humor

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    Nothing says holiday season like a force-feeding of morbid, gut-wrenching melodramas fast-tracked for Oscar consideration.

    Nothing says holiday season like a force-feeding of morbid, gut-wrenching melodramas fast-tracked for Oscar consideration

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    Let's watch Titanic 3D to remember the awful tragedy of the first time we heard that Celine Dion song.

    Let's watch Titanic 3D to remember the awful tragedy of the first time we heard that Celine Dion song

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    Enjoy the last reason you and the other Harry Potter fans will have to stay out past midnight.

    Enjoy the last reason you and the other Harry Potter fans will have to stay out past midnight

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