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    Sorry there's no Oscar for insulting famous people on Twitter during the Oscars.

    Sorry there's no Oscar for insulting famous people on Twitter during the Oscars

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    May your vibrator be fully charged upon your arrival home from seeing Magic Mike.

    May your vibrator be fully charged upon your arrival home from seeing Magic Mike.

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    I wish the cast of Twilight had to fight in the Hunger Games.

    I wish the cast of Twilight had to fight in the Hunger Games

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    Entering an Oscar pool is the perfect way to pacify a gambling addiction between the Super Bowl and the NCAA tournament.

    Entering an Oscar pool is the perfect way to pacify a gambling addiction between the Super Bowl and the NCAA tournament

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    Juno showed me that speaking in cute lingo can negate the horrifying chaos of an unwanted pregnancy.

    Juno showed me that speaking in cute lingo can negate the horrifying chaos of an unwanted pregnancy

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    Let's see a 3-D movie about piranhas that feed on D-list actors.

    Let's see a 3-D movie about piranhas that feed on D-list actors

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    There Will Be Blood is an unforgettable masterpiece I pray to god I never have to sit through again.

    There Will Be Blood is an unforgettable masterpiece I pray to god I never have to sit through again

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    I'd be more inclined to see Quantum of Solace if it didn't sound like a 16-year-old science geek's art rock band.

    I'd be more inclined to see Quantum of Solace if it didn't sound like a 16-year-old science geek's art rock band

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    In case you're wondering, my descent into drug-addled madness is not a hoax.

    In case you're wondering, my descent into drug-addled madness is not a hoax

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    Daniel Day-Lewis commits to roles more seriously than I commit to relationships.

    Daniel Day-Lewis commits to roles more seriously than I commit to relationships.

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    I'd love to not share my popcorn and candy with you during The Hunger Games.

    I'd love to not share my popcorn and candy with you during The Hunger Games

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    I wonder if apartheid could have ended sooner if its evils had been exposed via a hit movie about aliens that resemble giant shrimp.

    I wonder if apartheid could have ended sooner if its evils had been exposed via a hit movie about aliens that resemble giant shrimp

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    Due to the Bush Administration's economic policies, I can barely afford to see W.

    Due to the Bush Administration's economic policies, I can barely afford to see W.

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    I predict Inglourious Basterds has even more Hitler depictions, belligerent Jews, and semi-automatic assault rifles than the health care forums.

    I predict Inglourious Basterds has even more Hitler depictions, belligerent Jews, and semi-automatic assault rifles than the health care forums

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    I don't need to go to the movies to see a man fall in love with his phone.

    I don't need to go to the movies to see a man fall in love with his phone.

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    I hope Brad Pitt playing a Nazi-killer convinces my parents it's okay to marry him even though he's not Jewish.

    I hope Brad Pitt playing a Nazi-killer convinces my parents it's okay to marry him even though he's not Jewish

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    I'm worried the horrific consequences of reckless blackout drinking portrayed in The Hangover may cause you to steer my bachelor party away from reckless blackout drinking.

    I'm worried the horrific consequences of reckless blackout drinking portrayed in The Hangover may cause you to steer my bachelor party away from reckless blackout drinking

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    Twilight showed me it's okay to date underage girls if you're a 107-year-old vampire.

    Twilight showed me it's okay to date underage girls if you're a 107-year-old vampire

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    I wonder if billionaire superhero Tony Stark could clean up an oil spill.

    I wonder if billionaire superhero Tony Stark could clean up an oil spill

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    There's a fine line between liking bromance movies and wanting to spend the rest of your life in the arms of Paul Rudd.

    There's a fine line between liking bromance movies and wanting to spend the rest of your life in the arms of Paul Rudd

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