Watching a gorgeous vampire and buff werewolf battle for a girl's love is the perfect distraction from my inability to meet a semi-datable human
Let's pretend there's nothing alarming about a tween fantasy movie causing cougars to fantasize about statutory rape
Where the Wild Things Are may be the only chance in my lifetime to see a movie based on a book I've actually read
Let's take a moment to honor Red Dawn, Point Break, and Road House for getting us through some of the toughest hangovers of our lives
I hope Brad Pitt playing a Nazi-killer convinces my parents it's okay to marry him even though he's not Jewish
I predict Inglourious Basterds has even more Hitler depictions, belligerent Jews, and semi-automatic assault rifles than the health care forums
I wonder if apartheid could have ended sooner if its evils had been exposed via a hit movie about aliens that resemble giant shrimp
One thing less interesting to me than a story involving Julia Child is two stories involving Julia Child
I'm excited to see any movie or play in which Daniel Radcliffe does or doesn't show his cock
I'm not sure Bruno is any gayer than a group of guys in tight shorts biking together across France
I'm worried the horrific consequences of reckless blackout drinking portrayed in The Hangover may cause you to steer my bachelor party away from reckless blackout drinking
Promise me no matter how depressing our love lives get, we'll never give up watching romantic comedies that make us feel even worse
I'll be deeply offended by the anti-Catholic sentiments in Angels & Demons if that gets me out of having to see it
Seeing Night at the Museum 2 may inspire us to go to a museum since we may never want to go to a movie again
I hope Christian Bale attacks killer robots with the same ferocity as he does lighting technicians
I don't see what's so gay about wanting to see a song-and-dance man play a brooding superhero prone to wearing tank tops
There's a fine line between liking bromance movies and wanting to spend the rest of your life in the arms of Paul Rudd
I can't wait to see if the Watchmen movie stays true to the author's vision of an unfilmable graphic novel
In these financial times, I don't think picking Richard Jenkins or Melissa Leo in your Oscar pool is a risk you can afford
Heath Ledger's potential Oscar win is a troubling reminder that dead people are accomplishing significantly more than me
I'm thankful for a holiday that doesn't require atonement or starvation
Let Thanksgiving be a reminder to start your holiday season bender
I have no Thanksgiving plans
I'd be happy to help wedge stale bread up the bird's asshole
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I wonder if Twilight's abstinence message will suppress my herculean urge to screw Robert Pattinson
Twilight showed me it's okay to date underage girls if you're a 107-year-old vampire
I hope that Mickey Rourke wins the Oscar and that I'm not the person who has to present it to him
It must be difficult to root for the kid in Slumdog Millionaire if you're a recent millionaire now living in a slum
Let's honor Kate Winslet's breakthrough year for women by discussing the nuances of her weight fluctuation
I won't read anything into your not yet responding to my invitation to see He's Just Not That Into You
Watching a gorgeous vampire and buff werewolf battle for a girl's love is the perfect distraction from my inability to meet a semi-datable human
I hope that Mickey Rourke wins the Oscar and that I'm not the person who has to present it to him
It must be difficult to root for the kid in Slumdog Millionaire if you're a recent millionaire now living in a slum
Let's honor Kate Winslet's breakthrough year for women by discussing the nuances of her weight fluctuation
I won't read anything into your not yet responding to my invitation to see He's Just Not That Into You