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    I'd rather steal Lady Gaga's creativity without having to go near her vagina.

    I'd rather steal Lady Gaga's creativity without having to go near her vagina

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    It's only a matter of time before Kanye West drunk tweets an insult to @taylorswift13.

    It's only a matter of time before Kanye West drunk tweets an insult to @taylorswift13

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    I don't understand it when Bruce Springsteen sings about needing to get out of a town where he's made approximately $300 million.

    I don't understand it when Bruce Springsteen sings about needing to get out of a town where he's made approximately $300 million.

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    I still believe in the dangerous, anarchic spirit of Guns N' Roses despite their exclusive distribution deal with the country's dominant electronics retailer.

    I still believe in the dangerous, anarchic spirit of Guns N' Roses despite their exclusive distribution deal with the country's dominant electronics retailer

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    Axl Rose has much to teach our generation about successfully putting off a deadline.

    Axl Rose has much to teach our generation about successfully putting off a deadline

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    After the tortuous 15-year wait for Chinese Democracy, we'll finally be able to trash or ignore it.

    After the tortuous 15-year wait for Chinese Democracy, we'll finally be able to trash or ignore it

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    In terms of reclusive, scummy, middle-aged, bipolar rock stars I want to sleep with, Axl Rose is at the top of the list.

    In terms of reclusive, scummy, middle-aged, bipolar rock stars I want to sleep with, Axl Rose is at the top of the list

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    I'm finally old enough to say I despise today's music.

    I'm finally old enough to say I despise today's music

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    The latest Guns N' Roses book has given me a new respect for their music and ability to somehow not be dead in an alley.

    The latest Guns N' Roses book has given me a new respect for their music and ability to somehow not be dead in an alley

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    If I was a rock star and you lived in a war-torn, famine-stricken third world country, I'd donate a tiny fraction of my gargantuan wealth for you to split among your countrymen.

    If I was a rock star and you lived in a war-torn, famine-stricken third world country, I'd donate a tiny fraction of my gargantuan wealth for you to split among your countrymen

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    The latest antidepressants are still no match for the latest Radiohead album.

    The latest antidepressants are still no match for the latest Radiohead album

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    Sorry you felt old after hearing Nirvana on a classic rock station.

    Sorry you felt old after hearing Nirvana on a classic rock station

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    Let's enjoy Beck's musical genius without ever wondering if his albums are some sort of giant Scientology experiment.

    Let's enjoy Beck's musical genius without ever wondering if his albums are some sort of giant Scientology experiment

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    If you're ever shot dead in an East Coast-West Coast rap war, I hope it's after you've recorded over 10 years worth of unreleased music.

    If you're ever shot dead in an East Coast-West Coast rap war, I hope it's after you've recorded over 10 years worth of unreleased music

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    Sorry I ruined the impromptu sing-along by not knowing 80% of the words to the fast part of 'It's the End of the World as We Know It.'

    Sorry I ruined the impromptu sing-along by not knowing 80% of the words to the fast part of "It's the End of the World as We Know It."

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    I dream of one day having as many STDs as Tommy Lee.

    I dream of one day having as many STDs as Tommy Lee

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    Thanks for always telling me which emerging buzz bands to have in my iPod.

    Thanks for always telling me which emerging buzz bands to have in my iPod

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    You're officially too old for rock concerts.

    You're officially too old for rock concerts

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    I feel a profound connection to you based on the music in your shared iTunes folder.

    I feel a profound connection to you based on the music in your shared iTunes folder

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    My new favorite bands are pretty much my old favorite bands.

    My new favorite bands are pretty much my old favorite bands

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