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Don't be jealous of my sweet bod

I want you to know I am disappointed in all of you as a species

If my girlfriend in Oklahoma ever dies I would marry you

I don't have a New Year's resolution. You don't need that crap when you're perfect

If I ever have kids and get killed in a car accident I totally want you to raise them, and get my car fixed cause it'd probably be a pretty sweet car

I'm gonna freakin' waste you, but first I gotta do something first

My New Year's Resolution is to be better than everyone. Done.

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