Nov. 24th, 2007
My resolution is to get healthier while still destroying myself with alcohol and drugs.
Dec. 30th, 2011
My New Year's resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.
Dec. 29th, 2009
Here's to the only workweek of the year I don't stick out for not doing any work.
Dec. 28th, 2008
Let's pencil each other in for a New Year's Eve kiss, with the understanding we'll drop each other if someone better comes along.
Dec. 17th, 2010
I refuse to reminisce about the past year unless it's in a "best of" format.
Dec. 23rd, 2007
I can't decide between morbid isolation and social repulsion.
Dec. 23rd, 2007
Let me know where you think you'll end up New Year's Eve.
Dec. 29th, 2008
Happy New Year from someone comfortable expressing their love and appreciation for you in ecard format.
Dec. 9th, 2011
Sorry the movie New Year's Eve will still be more enjoyable than your actual New Year's Eve.
Dec. 14th, 2010
Your annual booze-fueled New Year's Eve spectacle will surely inspire us all to drink less in 2012.
Dec. 12th, 2011
Not seeing New Year's Eve will be the easiest New Year's resolution I've ever made.
Dec. 22nd, 2010
May the New Year bring you significantly more joy than the holidays did.
Dec. 29th, 2007
Sorry that, statistically speaking, you probably won't fulfill your resolution.
Nov. 24th, 2007
My resolution is to decipher the hidden meaning in your resolution.
Dec. 29th, 2007
Let's decide which champagne we're going to barf.
Dec. 28th, 2008
Thanks for not laughing at my absurdly unattainable New Year's resolutions.
Dec. 29th, 2007
I want to kiss you at midnight and pork you at dawn.
Dec. 17th, 2009
Join us in closing out the latest worst year ever.
Dec. 29th, 2007
Now that the holiday blues are over, let's resume our everyday melancholy.
Dec. 26th, 2011
Let's never speak of 2011 again.