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  • Nov. 24th, 2007

    My resolution is to get healthier while still destroying myself with alcohol and drugs.

    My resolution is to get healthier while still destroying myself with alcohol and drugs.

  • Dec. 30th, 2011

    My New Year's resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.

    My New Year's resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.

  • Dec. 29th, 2009

    Here's to the only workweek of the year I don't stick out for not doing any work.

    Here's to the only workweek of the year I don't stick out for not doing any work.

  • Dec. 28th, 2008

    Let's pencil each other in for a New Year's Eve kiss, with the understanding we'll drop each other if someone better comes along.

    Let's pencil each other in for a New Year's Eve kiss, with the understanding we'll drop each other if someone better comes along.

  • Dec. 17th, 2010

    I refuse to reminisce about the past year unless it's in a 'best of' format.

    I refuse to reminisce about the past year unless it's in a "best of" format.

  • Dec. 23rd, 2007

    I can't decide between morbid isolation and social repulsion.

    I can't decide between morbid isolation and social repulsion.

  • Dec. 23rd, 2007

    Let me know where you think you'll end up New Year's Eve.

    Let me know where you think you'll end up New Year's Eve.

  • Dec. 29th, 2008

    Happy New Year from someone comfortable expressing their love and appreciation for you in ecard format.

    Happy New Year from someone comfortable expressing their love and appreciation for you in ecard format.

  • Dec. 9th, 2011

    Sorry the movie New Year's Eve will still be more enjoyable than your actual New Year's Eve.

    Sorry the movie New Year's Eve will still be more enjoyable than your actual New Year's Eve.

  • Dec. 14th, 2010

    Your annual booze-fueled New Year's Eve spectacle will surely inspire us all to drink less in 2012.

    Your annual booze-fueled New Year's Eve spectacle will surely inspire us all to drink less in 2012.

  • Dec. 12th, 2011

    Not seeing New Year's Eve will be the easiest New Year's resolution I've ever made.

    Not seeing New Year's Eve will be the easiest New Year's resolution I've ever made.

  • Dec. 22nd, 2010

    May the New Year bring you significantly more joy than the holidays did.

    May the New Year bring you significantly more joy than the holidays did.

  • Dec. 29th, 2007

    Sorry that, statistically speaking, you probably won't fulfill your resolution.

    Sorry that, statistically speaking, you probably won't fulfill your resolution.

  • Nov. 24th, 2007

    My resolution is to decipher the hidden meaning in your resolution.

    My resolution is to decipher the hidden meaning in your resolution.

  • Dec. 29th, 2007

    Let's decide which champagne we're going to barf.

    Let's decide which champagne we're going to barf.

  • Dec. 28th, 2008

    Thanks for not laughing at my absurdly unattainable New Year's resolutions.

    Thanks for not laughing at my absurdly unattainable New Year's resolutions.

  • Dec. 29th, 2007

    I want to kiss you at midnight and pork you at dawn.

    I want to kiss you at midnight and pork you at dawn.

  • Dec. 17th, 2009

    Join us in closing out the latest worst year ever.

    Join us in closing out the latest worst year ever.

  • Dec. 29th, 2007

    Now that the holiday blues are over, let's resume our everyday melancholy.

    Now that the holiday blues are over, let's resume our everyday melancholy.

  • Dec. 26th, 2011

    Let's never speak of 2011 again.

    Let's never speak of 2011 again.

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