


Thanks for not laughing at my absurdly unattainable New Year's resolutions

Sorry you're finally mature enough to just want a quiet evening with friends on New Year's Eve

Your annual booze-fueled New Year's Eve spectacle will surely inspire us all to drink less in 2009

It may be the antidepressants talking, but I'm feeling somewhat optimistic about 2009

Now that the holiday blues are over, let's resume our everyday melancholy

Sorry that, statistically speaking, you probably won't fulfill your resolution

I can't decide between morbid isolation and social repulsion

My resolution is to spend more time avoiding friends and family

My resolution is to get healthier while still destroying myself with alcohol and drugs

My resolution is to spend less time working which means you'll have to work more

My resolution is to decipher the hidden meaning in your resolution
I've finally nailed down my New Year's plans
Let's never speak of 2008 again
Now that the holiday blues are over, let's resume our everyday melancholy
It may be the antidepressants talking, but I'm feeling somewhat optimistic about 2009
Let's pencil each other in for a New Year's Eve kiss, with the understanding we'll drop each other if someone better comes along