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Here's to the only workweek of the year I don't stick out for not doing any work

I refuse to reminisce about the past decade unless it's in a "best of" format

Avoid noisy, expensive, overhyped New Year's Eve parties by hanging out at our place wondering what you're missing at those parties

Join us in closing out the latest worst year ever

It may be the antidepressants talking, but I'm feeling somewhat optimistic about 2010

Your annual booze-fueled New Year's Eve spectacle will surely inspire us all to drink less in 2010

I resolve to stop having meaningless sex in 2010, so I suggest you pay me a compliment or get me liquored up ASAP

Let's never speak of 2009 again

Happy New Year from someone comfortable expressing their love and appreciation for you in ecard format

Lets attend an opulent New Year's Eve party so we can briefly ignore the horror of our impending poverty

Thanks for not laughing at my absurdly unattainable New Year's resolutions

Sorry you're finally mature enough to just want a quiet evening with friends on New Year's Eve

Let's pencil each other in for a New Year's Eve kiss, with the understanding we'll drop each other if someone better comes along

Now that the holiday blues are over, let's resume our everyday melancholy

I want to kiss you at midnight and pork you at dawn

Let's decide which champagne we're going to barf

Sorry that, statistically speaking, you probably won't fulfill your resolution

Let me know where you think you'll end up New Year's Eve

I can't decide between morbid isolation and social repulsion

My resolution is to spend more time avoiding friends and family

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