Here's to the only workweek of the year I don't stick out for not doing any work
I refuse to reminisce about the past decade unless it's in a "best of" format
It may be the antidepressants talking, but I'm feeling somewhat optimistic about 2010
Your annual booze-fueled New Year's Eve spectacle will surely inspire us all to drink less in 2010
Thanks for not laughing at my absurdly unattainable New Year's resolutions
Sorry you're finally mature enough to just want a quiet evening with friends on New Year's Eve
Now that the holiday blues are over, let's resume our everyday melancholy
Sorry that, statistically speaking, you probably won't fulfill your resolution
I can't decide between morbid isolation and social repulsion
My resolution is to spend more time avoiding friends and family
