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Flirting Flirting

I love you as much as my dog loves the smell of urine-soaked trees.
Liquid Gold Liquid Gold

If you knew how much I liked you, you would feel uncomfortable about it.
Liquid Gold Liquid Gold

Losing you would be devastating, like biting into the frozen center of a microwaved burrito.
Liquid Gold Liquid Gold

I'd forge you the finest cookware if I thought you'd put it to use.
Liquid Gold Liquid Gold

I'd like to cook you a meal that I think is better than almost any takeout within your apartment's delivery radius.
Valentine's Day Valentine's Day

May Gisele's Super Bowl comments make you less upset you're not dating a supermodel this Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day Valentine's Day

Try not to think about the fact that Newt Gingrich is having more sex than you this Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day Valentine's Day

May you finish stronger than the New England Patriots this Valentine's Day.
Five Year.. Five Year..

A long engagement is a great way to delay the eventual drudgery of our actual marriage.
Five Year.. Five Year..

A marriage proposal would be a great way to get me to stop obsessing about Valentine's Day.
Birthday Birthday

May your birthday be as joyful as a Giants fan within earshot of a Patriots fan.
Super Bowl.. Super Bowl..

Congratulations to M.I.A. on being the last person under 50 ever allowed to perform at the Super Bowl again.
Sports Sports

Sorry the 2011 Patriots couldn't erase the memory of the 2011 Red Sox.
Sports Sports

Congratulations to the Patriots on not having had a perfect season to blow.
The Walking Dead The Walking Dead

I'd have to be brain-dead not to want you as my Valentine.
The Walking Dead The Walking Dead

For me, you're the perfect combination of body and brains.
The Walking Dead The Walking Dead

Let's stay in and devour each other this Valentine's Day.
Apology Apology

I'm confident that my gluttonous Super Bowl feast will put an end to your ridiculous New Year's Resolution to lose weight.
Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

I support the right of all women's organizations to abort their terrible decisions.
Super Bowl.. Super Bowl..

I'd be much more into your Super Bowl party if it didn't involve watching the Super Bowl.

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