The Fourth of July is a time to proudly reflect on America's history. Specifically, our history of getting highly intoxicated and handling deadly explosives in the most irresponsible ways possible.
Here are 10 of our favorite examples of people nearly blowing themselves into very stupid pieces, all in the name of patriotism. Or something.
Somehow these people got a job at an actual fireworks factory.
Okay, they're Russian, but stupid enough to be American.
We'll take the deafening blast of an improperly detonated firework over the sound of a car alarm any day.
As you can see, privately funded methods of space exploration are still in the testing phase.
Jesus would've been screaming his own name during that one.
Hopefully doctors refused to repair his charred genitals for the betterment of the human race.
It's just a shame the rocket didn't burn that haircut off.
"Was I not supposed to smoke inside the fireworks stand?"
Guys, stop fleeing in terror, you're missing the whole thing.
He's silently hoping the fire consumes him and finally takes him away from these people.