The only beaver shot this man will ever take.
It's harder than ever to be macho in 2012. Political correctness, skinny jeans, the fact that no one knows what the word macho even means — it's tough to be tough. For those who have succeeded at being manly, having something cute like a tiny dog or a Spongebob backpack merely adds to their masculine mystique. However, most tough guys these days fall into the far more common categories of beefed-up d-bags, wannabe gunslingers, or fired-for-being-creepy Hot Topic employees. For these obviously-trying-to-compensate-for-something men, the inevitable plush toy or Twilight poster merely highlights the truth that your muscles and firearms are hiding a scared little boy.
"Thanks for taking my muscle pics, Grammy! Can we go out for caramels after this?"
I once shot an elephant on my phone. How he got so lame-looking, I'll never know.