1. Your next kid is going to respect the half-hour limit on screen time. The only person you have to blame for your current kid's tendency to scream bloody murder anytime you reach for the iPad is yourself. You're the one who didn't set and enforce strict rules limiting screen time from the get-go. Your next kid will respect that he or she only has 30 minutes per day to watch PBS, play educational video games, or text with pre-approved friends (Shauna Burton, yes; Sarah Lapkus, absolutely not). In fact, your next kid will love having more time to read the classics, play outside, or just be alone with their thoughts of someday acing the SATs. Your next kid is never even going to use the words Frozen and "soundtrack" in the same sentence.

2. Your next kid is going to be an excellent student. Your next kid isn't going to tell you the night before that he or she hasn't even started a research project on Tecumseh that was supposed to take months. That's because you're going to be more engaged with your next kid's academic life. You're going to be more like Dean Tufaro, who somehow chaperones all the field trips even though he works full-time. You're going to know when your kid has a spelling test. And you're going to go to Back-to-School Night even if it conflicts with the season premiere of The Good Wife. Your next kid is going to be like those Putman kids, who according to legend, come home after school every day and do their homework right away.