For when you just want what comes between the orgasm and the sandwich.
Can't get anyone to touch you for free and aren't ready to make the leap to "person who pays for sex?" A woman named Samantha Hess has the perfect intermediate step for you: paid cuddling.
Just hop on a flight to Portland, Oregon and give her $60. In return, she'll be happy to abandon her hobby of "writing chalk affirmations in Laurelhurst Park" to give you an hour of touch so you don't die of skin hunger like an abandoned baby.
Sure, you could probably get a professional massage for that much money where you already live, but they won't pretend to love and care about you like Miss Hess.
Are you dry-heaving into your Rachel Ray trash bowl? Maybe I'm not selling this right. Here's Hess's pitch from her website cuddleuptome.com (not kidding real website please drink some water if you are still dry heaving):
"My name is Sam, and I am a professional cuddler. If you could use some one-on-one cuddle time without the complications that life normally brings us, then I am your girl. Let’s hold hands and cuddle up on the couch, or listen to some soft music while we curl up in your bed—I am happy to be the big spoon or the little spoon. My purpose is to make you feel comfortable, loved, and appreciated."
You wont BE comfortable, loved, and appreciated, but she will make you FEEL like that is the case. Close enough, right? After all, earning appreciation is hard. You have to be nice to people! But not to Hess. With her, its cuddling, and then you get to be left the eff alone. Just like you like it! After all, you don't pay them to cuddle, you pay them to leave.