Philly Police are looking for a guy who robbed a convenience store using only a banana in his pocket. And he didn't even bring his own banana! He grabbed one that was sitting on the counter, practically begging to be thrust into a sweatshirt pocket and used as a fake weapon, and demanded money and cigarettes from the cashier. The cops note he made off with an undetermined amount of money and 25 cents worth of fruit.
If we want to lower the rate of convenience store robberies, we have to stop selling fake weapons in convenience stores! That means no more bananas, mini flashlights, boxes of Mike and Ikes, glass bottles of Coke, eyeglass repair kits, Corn Nuts, or novelty pens.
Here's hoping Philadelphians on Twitter rally to find this guy (like they did with a recent hate crime) before anyone makes a simply criminal banana pun on the word "appeal."
(by Shira Rachel Danan)