Evil triumphs again. (via KPTV)

Whoever is running the campaign to keep Portland weird can take a little rest, dude's got you covered. 


By 7am this Tuesday, Konrad Bass had dressed himself in chain mail, donned a helmet and shield, grabbed his sword, and run into traffic to attack a woman's BMW. He had also taken LSD. Lots and lots of LSD.   

The woman who owned the BMW called the incident into the police as a pirate attack, but Bass cleared up the confusion. As he told authorities, he wasn't a pirate, or just some LARPer puncturing a red Beemer with a sword. No, he was "a high elf engaged in battle with evil Morgoth." So proud of him. It takes a lot of bravery for just one elf to go up against J.R.R. Tolkein's character from the prequel to "Lord of the Rings" known to be responsible for spawning all evil. This is probably how he saw events going down that morning:

Lookout Konrad! Someone put Morgoth into drive! (Via Gerwell)

In reality, this:

Konrad Bass AKA Konrad McKane, ready for battle. (via Vocative)

A lot of drama, but at the end of the day the owner of the BMW remained unharmed and anonymous, Bass was charged with criminal mischief but not jailed, Portland earned a few more weeks as king of the weird towns, and all of us got to see some pretty sweet Tolkien fan art.

Sources: voactiv | Gawker