Doctor, Doctor, giving the news. I've got a bad case of loving my girlfriend to the point that I hurt my back and can't perform sexual services.
A redditor going by the user name mitchiganjfrog (but his doctor calls him Shaun) posted this note he received from his doctor after he hurt his back twice in one week. First, he hurt it at work, then a second time "in the bedroom."
Whatever happened that second time was enough for his doctor to assume he was going above and beyond what his poor spinal column could handle, so he wrote this medical certificate (excuse):
"He WILL BE UNFIT TO CONTINUE his USUAL OCCUPATION or SEXUAL services. Shaun can only take part in sexual activity flat on his back with minimal effort on his part."
He only gets one day to make good on this prescription of dead fish sex, better make it a good one.
Either Shaun has enough health insurance to get his doctor to help him make jokes, or he has Microsoft Word and a printer. Either way, his girlfriend is coming out on top.