Baking is hate made visible. (Via Getty Images)
Anyone who has been following the Wasp lifestyle feud between Grand Damme ex-con Martha Stewart and homemaker wanna-be Gwyneth Paltrow surely recalls the six-page spread of Thanksgiving pies Martha put in her magazine titled "Conscious Coupling."
The homage to Paltrow and her now ex-husband Chris Martin's eye-roll-worthy divorce announcement (their "conscious uncoupling," like anyone could forget. Eyeroll. Barf.) was the most recent in a series of mostly unprovoked attacks Stewart has made against Paltrow. I say unprovoked because, while Martha seems worried that Gwyn is horning in on her lifestyle brand, Paltrow's non-stop juice fasts and articles about "finding the right curling iron for your hair" is nowhere near the breadth and scope of Martha's well-cultivated recipes and impossible crafts.
Nevertheless, Martha insists on dragging paltry Paltrow through the mud by her pale limp locks because, although Stewart seems all prim and proper, underneath it all she is a stone cold killer who is ready to cut any false-guru who is encroaching on her territory.
Yesterday, Gwyneth proved she's not scared of the big bad MILF. Gwynie-poo published her own Thanksgiving subtext dessert on Goop: Jailbird cake.
Hey Martha, eat me. (Via Goop)
It looks gross, but don't worry. You're not supposed to eat it unless you also spent five months in jail and then later told Gwyneth to shut the hell up.
Miss Paltrow describes her "Easy, No-Bake Desert":
"Every Thanksgiving, we put a ton of elbow grease into our turkeys—and all the requisite sides. And then, we literally have no energy left to pour into the dessert (it's usually store-bought, if we're honest).This year, we decided to pull together some decidedly un-goop, unhealthy dessert recipes—they're all simple, gratifying, and hugely crowd-pleasing."