In light of the now weeks-long reveal of Lindsay Lohan’s purported celebrity fuck list published by In Touch, you might be wondering if you should be keeping one for yourself. Are sex lists just for the rich and famous? Or should unwanted nobodies like you and me also be keeping them?
Anyone can keep a fuck list, and everyone should. They aren’t just for the erotic elite like Lindsay Lohan. Ordinary people with body types ranging from average to humorous should also have a scrap of paper on them at all times, listing the names of any and every partner they vaguely remember doing sex on. Here’s why:
The days of “Tell us what things were like during the war, Grampa” are long gone. For one thing, your grandkids are never going to have to ask that because America’s never not going to be at war. For another, future generations of grandkids are going to need a little more spice from your stories if you want to hold their attention during a nursing home visit. These kids are being raised on Flappy Bird and Snapchat. They’re going to want to hear about who you banged, and they’re going to want names. You’re probably going to be able to remember one or two of the big ones, but most of the sex you’ve had wasn’t exactly scrapbook-worthy. Think you’ll be able to keep all those names in the noggin when you’re 80? Make the list now. You can even frame it and pass it down as an heirloom.