What are you, my girlfriend? Stop hinting and tell me, already.
After three years of posting slightly-bizarre English pronunciation guides, the most popular of which being "Ke$ha," the YouTube channel PronunciationBook suddenly went haywire and began foretelling an event to occur on September 24, 2013. The video above makes far more sense than most of the recent entries, which include phrases like "No one is singing, every day is the same" and often contain a reference to a "Chief" character.
Naturally, this pushed the Internet's immune system into hyperdrive, and now there's a 46-page Google Doc exploring all the possible evidence and conspiracy theories. It's almost certain that this is a promotional push for a movie, TV show or video game, because the alternative explanation is that we're actually at risk of a world-ending attack from the Illuminati/terroists/Bilderberg/time-travelers. In which case, it won't really matter what Reddit and 4chan and others snooped out, will it?
While I was originally writing this post, my research was halted by the government making me accidentally close the tab I had open, destroying all my work. I think this says a lot about the humongosity of this revelation. Before the FBI/my lack of motor skills sabotages me again, here are some of the top theories, accompanied by more bizarre videos and evidence:
We should have listened to the chief when he said Bob Dylan was playing in the hull.