What are you, my girlfriend? Stop hinting and tell me, already.
After three years of posting slightly-bizarre English pronunciation guides, the most popular of which being "Ke$ha," the YouTube channel PronunciationBook suddenly went haywire and began foretelling an event to occur on September 24, 2013. The video above makes far more sense than most of the recent entries, which include phrases like "No one is singing, every day is the same" and often contain a reference to a "Chief" character.
Naturally, this pushed the Internet's immune system into hyperdrive, and now there's a 46-page Google Doc exploring all the possible evidence and conspiracy theories. It's almost certain that this is a promotional push for a movie, TV show or video game, because the alternative explanation is that we're actually at risk of a world-ending attack from the Illuminati/terroists/Bilderberg/time-travelers. In which case, it won't really matter what Reddit and 4chan and others snooped out, will it?
While I was originally writing this post, my research was halted by the government making me accidentally close the tab I had open, destroying all my work. I think this says a lot about the humongosity of this revelation. Before the FBI/my lack of motor skills sabotages me again, here are some of the top theories, accompanied by more bizarre videos and evidence:
We should have listened to the chief when he said Bob Dylan was playing in the hull.
Theory: Battlestar Galactica Movie
Bryan Singer is apparently working on a film to bridge the 40-year gap in the storylines between the original BSG series and the 2000s version. The Daily Dot is pretty convinced that he is the culprit, and they have a very long explanation for why they do. It mostly relies on the text of the various videos themselves - they see many references to Chief Tyrol, obviously, as well as the interactions between humans and cylons on the show. There are also similarities to "All Along the Watchtower," which is very important to the show. The kicker, for them, is that there was a manga promotion for the new film released on April 14, which is the anniversary of PronunciationBook's founding. I love BSG, but I am less convinced - that was announced in 2011, and the channel has been up since 2010. I'd be pretty stoked if they were right, though.
Runners-up: Joss Whedon's "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." debuts 9/24. Other possibilities are a new Halo game or Half-Life 3.
Obviously, this has everything to do with Halo 2. How was it not clear to us?
Theory: Alternative Reality Game
Do you remember "I Love Bees" or "Lost Experience" or "Find 815"? Those were Alternative Reality Games (ARGs) set up to promote Halo 2 (Bees) and the TV show Lost. Not all ARGs are promotional, of course, but the basic idea is that people have to solve riddles and interact with a fictional (but human-controlled) character or entity in real-time to solve mysteries. It's like that time everyone in your school played water-gun Assassins for a week over the summer, combined with scavenger hunts, roleplaying, and dinner theater. The folks on the conspiracy-theory Google Doc have pretty good evidence that the person or persons behind Pronunciation Book are a Thomas Bender and/or Frank Poekler, who also seem associated with the Alternative Reality Game "This Is My Milwaukee" and the creators of that game, Synydyne.
For my money, this seems like a leading contender, given that they found this info by doing a WHOIS search on the channel, and that all that information was made unavailable shortly after people started hunting. It's still a promotional thing, obviously.
It's like crop circles, but spread out across time and space...duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.
Theory: There's something in the clicks
It turns out that the clicking noises in the video can actually produce a visual pattern if you stack the soundwave images from each video on top of one another. I have no idea what these are supposed to look like, but it sure looks like it might be something. That would be a hell of a complicated marketing ploy, but on the other hand, those clicks seem pretty deliberate:
Some people think it's making this pattern with a closed fist on the left, but I'm not exactly sure how they produced this second image:
Uncle Headless Sam wants YOU to obey his subliminal messages!
Theory: The Conspiracy To Launch An Anti-Conspiracy-Theorist Conspiracy Theory Theory
This is my favorite one from the Google Doc: the government (or just "they." Any "they" will do) have something nefarious going on, so they release this mysterious countdown to preoccupy the Internet's most brilliant minds:
Yes, let's make sure this conspiracy-theory Google Doc is focused on proof...
Theory: The channel is actually being used by militants, possibly Syrian, to send coded messages in the open
One word: whoah. Two words: Not likely.
Great, so I can't see boobs but they can use YouTube to launch bombs?
Theory: This is the end of the world/beginning of new totalitarian era.
And this comprises the remaining 99% of theories, including this gem from a YouTube commenter:
Ah yes, the Jewish holiday of Judgement Day. "Why is this day the end of every other day?"
Seriously, go read the Google Doc. I thought when I started writing this that I would be able to smugly tell you what was going on. Instead, I'll just conclude by smugly saying that no one knows what's going on, and that you should look for yourself. I can't wait until we all feel like idiots.
(by Johnny McNulty)