The Lion-y Coward speaks out.


As Americans, we're more comfortable than most developed countries with both hunting and crappy non-apology apologies. But Walter J. Palmer, the Minnesotan poacher whose most impressive achievement in life will be changing the image people have in their head when they hear the phrase "sadistic dentist," has offended even this proud nation of hunters and half-apologizers with his weasely attempt to avoid any responsibility for killing a world-famous lion he had no right (no matter how much he paid) to kill. That attempt to outrun the ceaseless hounds of approbation and scorn took the form of a letter to patients, begging them to separate his desire to snuff out rare forms of life for his own private enjoyment from his ability to competently drill the f**k out of your cavities. I present to you now the letter, complete with my annotations on why it is a weak, stumbling, diseased little antelope of an apology just begging to be ripped apart by predators in the public savannah:

"In early July, I was in Zimbabwe on a bow hunting trip for big game."

- In early July, my mid-life crisis had a mid-life crisis of its own.

"I hired several professional guides and they secured all proper permits."

- I bribed some guys and I just assumed it was Africa so whatevs.