But it's not a metaphor.

Seems chill about it. (via Life News)

Dmitry Nikolaev is 30, a former soap opera star, an animator, and currently living out a real life revenge fantasy for scorned women everywhere.

Nikolaev performed at a small theater in Moscow and afterwards was approached in the bar by a young, attractive blonde lady. Nothing too suspicious about that (except that he was married). They drank some beer, they kissed, they went to a sauna. All very normal things for a Russian couple out on the town, experiencing new love. After that, he remembers no more until waking at a bus stop in excruciating pain with pants full of blood.

He was rushed to the hospital where it became clear that BOTH of his balls had been removed by a skillful surgeon. Police say that his testicles are probably being sold on the black market. For...transplants? Some casual Googling reveals that this is very unlikely, as the recipient of the surgery would be making little baby Nikolaevs. I'm really stumped as to why you wouldn't just adopt.


Hard to even be mad at your spouse when they've paid such a price for their wandering eyes, mouth and hands: their wandering balls.

Sources: UpRoxx