Stores are for suckers.
The Internet is more than just a place where you can stalk your exes from the privacy of your own home. It's also a place where you can buy things. For the low, low cost of all your personal and financial information, you can have pretty much whatever you want delivered right to your door without ever interacting with a human.
Here are a few items you should only ever buy online:
When you try it on and cry in front of the mirror, at least you'll be in the privacy of your own home.
So Amazon, Google, the NSA, and anyone else who's looking thinks that you read.
This way, the cashier won't judge you for being a single, childless 31-year-old who buys frozen chicken nuggets in bulk.
It's a lot easier to stumble to your front door to pick up a box than it is to stumble home from a bar.
When you forget to buy them, you can tell your roommates that they must have gotten “lost in the mail."
Avoid having to order these out loud and in public.
Recreate that fantasy Christmas morning of opening up a box to find a puppy.
Save your UPS driver the money he or she would otherwise spend on an expensive gym membership.
Every new lotion you try is a game of “Will I be allergic to this or not?" Russian Roulette.
Delivered right to your door to mail back all of the things you've bought online and need to return.