Things have been a little quiet outrage-wise. Perhaps the brief hint of springtime lifted the collective mood and turned our attention away from our own delicate sensibilities. Thankfully, with a new nor'easter threatening the east coast, there are some fresh new kerfluffles to completely lose our shit over.

1. Nick Cannon put on "Whiteface" to promote his new album.

To promote his new album, "White People Party Music," Nick Cannon revealed his character, "Connor Smallnut" (LOL!), a white kid for which he dons "whiteface" and dresses how a white middle-schooler might dress if he wants to be a skateboarder but his mom will only let him shop at Target.

According to The New York Daily News, Cannon sent social media networks "into meltdown" when the pic was shared on Sunday. By "meltdown," they mean "a lot of comments and that's about it." You can't use "social media meltdown" frivolously in a post-Ellen-Oscar-Selfie world.

The pic was accompanied by a swarm of hashtags containing go-to hack jokes about white people:

It's official... I'm White!!! #WHITEPEOPLEPARTYMUSIC #Wppm in stores April 1st!!!!!!Dude Go Get It!!!Join The Party!!!! #GoodCredit #DogKissing #BeerPong #FarmersMarkets #FistPumping #CreamCheeseEating #RacialDraft "Bro I got drafted!!"

Okay, #FarmersMarkets and #DogKissing aren't bad. #GoodCredit is tired. #CreamCheeseEating is delicious.

Commenters shouted "racism!" and Cannon tried to quell the uproar with some tweets telling everybody to calm down, as well as this Instagram shoutout to Robert Downey Jr. for the strides he made in cross-racial acting portrayals that kind of, sort of almost paid off:


On a strictly comedy level, absolutely. You might want to chastise Cannon for setting the artform of comedy back decades with his hackery, but White Chicks came out in 2004, so keep it to ten years.

On a racial level, sure, give it a shot. Shout  "Racism!" or "Reverse Racsim!" or even "Triple Axel Racism!" if you want to break out the big guns. Go ahead and ask why it's okay for him to put on whiteface, but it's not okay for you to put on blackface. There's nothing quite so entertaining as white people making the "If they can do it, why can't I?" argument. Don't worry about everyone wondering why you'd want to put on blackface in the first place. We all have our pet causes. This one's yours.


2. Donald Rumsfeld supposedly compared Obama to "A Trained Ape" on Fox News.

What a letdown. The racially charged headlines on Gawker and everywhere else promised a clip of Old Man Rumsfeld letting his inner racist off the leash and calling Obama a "trained ape." This clip did not deliver. 

"This administration, this White House and the State Department have failed to get a status of forces agreement [in Afghanistan.] A trained ape can get a status of forces agreement."

Come on! The closest he gets to including Obama in this is with the reference to "this White House." If anything, his quote strives to explain how "this White House" is different from a trained ape. Granted, he's saying a trained ape would have done better in Afghanistan, but that's still not outrage worthy.


No, you'll just end up misleading your friends. If you tease them with outrage over someone as despised as Rumsfeld making a racially offensive remark about Obama, you'd better deliver or they'll never click on your "HOW DARE THEY" links from Daily Kos ever again.


3. Malaysia Airlines used a text message to tell families that Flight 370 went down in the Indian Ocean.

There's no two ways about it. That's a really shitty way to lose all hope. Even with all signs pointing to the plane having crashed, you don't tell families of lost loved ones "begin grieving now" via text. Never tell anyone anything important via text message. It's all emojis now anyway. Who's still using it for words?


Yes. Announce on Facebook that you hereby vow to never fly on Malasia Airlines again. The support for your stand will be overwhelming.


4. Kim and Kanye were on the cover of Vogue. Vogue!!!

(Via Vogue Facebook Page)

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West were on the April cover of Vogue magazine. People were upset.

The Daily Beast is worried that it might "kill" the magazine. There's even a petition to boycott Vogue, and right now it's only 164 signatures away from meeting its goal of 1,000 signatures. At which point, those 1,000 people will boycott Vogue? And if they don't meet their goal, they'll keep reading Vogue?

Honestly, people seem to be angrier about this than anything else going right now, and I don't have a clue as to why.


You're goddamn right you should get outraged. Vogue-hating is where the outrage party's at this week. Take to the streets and burn your Devil Wears Prada DVDs. Ceremonially smash some giant sunglasses underneath your boot. Refuse to buy $3,000 dresses until Anna Wintour issues a public apology and promises to reserve her cover only for fine, upstanding fashion models. Don't ask anyone why this is so upsetting. Just start tearing stuff down.

(by Bob Powers)