It’s hard to be social! Luckily there are helpful articles to tell you when you suck at it like this one, this one, and this one. But they still leave so much out. To fill in the blanks, here are 11 more warning signs that you are a really terrible party guest.
1. When you walk in the door you immediately start picking up knickknacks off the mantel and asking the host, “What about this? Can I fuck this?”
2. On more than one occasion you’ve been found in the host’s bedroom, wearing the host’s clothes, shouting in a high pitched, mocking voice, “Oooooh! Look at me! I’m the host! Welcome to my stupid party!”
3. You bring a guitar to every party, waiting for just the right moment to shout, “Hey everybody. Gather round and watch me learn how to play guitar!”
4. You bring your cats.
5. You point at photos of family members and ask the host, “She dead? No? What about him? He dead?”
6. Your favorite ice breaker when talking to strangers is, “You look like you think you’re better than me. What gives?”
7. When you’re stuck in a conversation you’re not enjoying, you try to get out of it by throwing up on your shoes.
8. When the host opens the front door you ask, “Is it cool to carry in here or is this place bullshit?” Then you lift your shirt to reveal the sidearm on your belt.
9. During charades you always act out 9/11.
10. On more than one occasion a host has found you uploading photos of their furniture on eBay.
11. You don’t leave until the host is fast asleep and it’s finally safe to crawl out from under their bed and gently kiss them goodnight.
(by Bob Powers)