Now in its third year, the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant crowns the king of small cocks.


Step aside, too-flashy sports car: the small-penised men of Brooklyn no longer need you! (Well, they probably didn't need you in the first place because they take the subway, but I digress.) Instead of being ashamed of their wee wanks, some gentlemen have been flaunting their tiny packages, thanks to the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant, which recently had its third annual celebration of tiny dicks (and the men attached to them).

The pageant was started by Aimee Arciuolo, manager of the Kings County Bar in Brooklyn, where the event takes place. She was inspired after fooling around with a poorly endowed fella and being super impressed by all the extra moves he had to compensate for his li'l guy. (Side note, gentlemen: Extra moves are welcomed by most ladies and gentlemen, whether you have an underwear gherkin or an underwear eggplant).

The video of the contest above makes it feel like such a joyful thing; it's wonderful to see dudes taking a body part that they've likely been made fun of for and just putting it all out there. The contestants were (unsurprisingly) showmen, doing things like stripping while dressed as a Star Wars stormtrooper. One dude, going by the name Rip Van Dinkle, even traveled to Brooklyn just for the pageant. I guess that's similar to how people travel from small towns to big cities for American Idol tryouts, but your dick doesn't get to be part of a nationally televised singing contest at the end (I think).

Sources: Rolling Stone