You couldn't have brought an extra plastic bag to curb yourself? Really?
Everybody poops, but for the most part, they do it in designated pooping areas. Not the mystery defecator currently terrorizing the Phinney Ridge and Greenwood neighborhoods of Seattle, aka "The Cascades Crapper," aka "The Creature From The Pooget Sound," aka "The Seattle Poopersonic." The KIRO TV Channel 7 Eyewitness News team called the acts "bold" and "disturbing" after one resident, Lowell Deo, was brave enough to send video of the early-morning night-soiler to police and local media outlets, including the PhinneyWood neighborhood blog.
Apparently, people have been calling KIRO 7 for a while now to complain about this "bold" criminal who dared to fertilize their flower beds. Up until now, however, no one had seen this shitty Sasquatch. Here's Deo's account of the unfortunate process by which he became the first person in the area to actually figure out what was happening in his yard. From the PhinneyWood blog:
I am cleaning around some flowerbeds in the yard when I notice a mound of poo. Something told me this wasn’t the product of a large dog (since dogs usually prefer using grass to dirt). Still, I put it out of my mind long enough to clean it up… only to let curiosity grip me and force me to search the security camera watching over the area. Sure enough a “two legged animal” did the doo!
We would really like to know who this…ahemmmm!… .gentleman is… so we can let him know fouling folks’ yards isn’t cool (especially with all this concern in the news about pathogens spread by bodily fluids and human waste.
(Alright, dude. We're already on your side, there's no reason to bring Ebola into this.)
I've put the full footage of the tapes here below. If you live in Seattle and happen to hang out with the kinds of people who might poop on another person's lawn, check out the footage and see if you recognize this mythological dookie dropper.
(by Johnny McNulty)