- Taking one for the team by keeping Florida away from the rest of us. - Where everything's bigger and more punishable by death. - A great place to start a family with your family. - The Certificate of Participation of states. - Like if Duck Dynasty were a state. - Where America's dreamers settle for doing porn. - A wonderful place to enjoy the beach or die of old age. - Definitely one of the two best Dakotas in the country. - Where cars are both made and lived-in. - You'd legalize euthanasia if you lived here too. - The other Vermont. - As close as you'll ever want to get to South America. - So many fucking lighthouses you won't believe it. - Remarkably unremarkable. - Counting the days until an election makes it relevant again. - Less than 1% covered in piss and garbage. - Where letter bombs are from. - All the weather of Canada without any of the healthcare. - Part of America, if you're gonna get all technical about shit. - More than just Chicago, but not more than just Chicago and farms. - The most fun you can have squandering your life savings. - Worth dying of dysentery to get here. - 42,000 square miles of DC suburbs. - The worst cell phone reception in America - Home to almost as many Puerto Ricans as New York City! - Proudly flying the American flag because federal law requires it. - Your premier destination for feeling skinny by comparison. - Guarding our nation's borders so legitimate state and federal authorities don't have to. - Almost as dangerous as actual Colombia. - Producing America's best Seasonal Affective Disorder. - #1 in people who don't know how to read this postcard. - A great place to raise all your families. - Leading the nation in fat dudes who die while taking dumps. - Home of the nation's most beautiful desolate prairies. - The reason the Louisiana Purchase was so cheap. - What the hell are you looking at asshole? - An agoraphobe's nightmare. - Giving assholes a bad name - since 1788. - A great place to get rid of a body. - We've got the good kind of crabs! - Birthplace of your lung cancer. - Sadder than anyone about Breaking Bad coming to an end. - Like if Applebee's were a state. - Where there may very well still be people trapped on roofs. - Only two hours from New York City! - Mostly living in the 21st century. - The studio apartment of states. - Torn between being a shitty midwestern state and a shitty northeastern state. - Birthplace of Clinton's sexual harassment suits. - Like if Whole Foods were a state. - Accents as thick as the cheddary plaque in our arteries. - Making it impossible to say you're from Washington without having to further clarify.


Advertising - Birthplace of Obama, depending on who you ask. - What we lack in hospitable climate we make up for in residents never having to scroll through a state dropdown menu.