Vladimir Putin scored eight actual*, real*, not-fake* goals* in an exhibition hockey game against former NHL players**.

Vladimir Putin: Russian President. Tiger tranquilizer. Dildo model. And now, he's also a guy who's scored eight goals in a hockey game with former NHL players.

Even though Putin has admitted to staging publicity stunts in the past, I do think the guy has legitimate athletic skills, as well as the testicular fortitude to at least net him a role in the next Expendables film. (For that matter, was he in the last Expendables film? I stopped never started paying attention to that franchise.) But while he's obviously not a dunce on the ice, surely scoring 8 of his (winning) team's 18 goals means there has to be at least some element of "let Putin win," right? I mean, playing hockey with Putin must be like playing Monopoly with a cranky four-year-old, if that four-year-old could throw you in jail because you landed on Park Place before he did. Even if you know you can beat him, you gotta let him win.

Here's the full game, if you like hockey and/or Putin enough to watch it:


*almost definitely fake.
**players who were almost definitely paid to throw the game.

Sources: h/t SB Nation | ABC News