Summer is here, which means it's time to complain about all the horrible things that come along with everyone's favorite season. - I've been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat - Summer has snuck up once again on me and my giant ass - I can't decide if a decent tan is worth the possible melanoma - I hope months of starvation, obsessive exercise, and painful grooming will get boys to notice the inner me - Today's forecast calls for near record swamp ass. - Sorry your state tends to catch fire this time of year - There's no stronger sunscreen than sitting in a bar. - May the inherent stress and peril of unfolding a beach chair not sabotage your plans to relax this summer - My condolences to a white person on once again experiencing sticker shock from buying suntan lotion.