- Today's forecast calls for near record swamp ass.

It's a delicate ecosystem back there. - The best thing about a heat wave is constantly having the illusion you're getting exercise.

To complete the illusion, just wear workout clothes to the office.

And that would be true even if Shia Lebeouf were in the new one. - I hope my anus and genitals roasting in 95-degree weather all day doesn't turn you off from giving me oral sex tonight.

Best way to ensure you're not getting any tonight! - Let's go out into the scorching heat wave to avoid frostbite from our office air conditioning.

There is no such thing as a comfortable temperature during summer. - I'd be sexually aroused by your minimal summer clothing if I had any fluids left in my body.

Sex is the most important reason to stay hydrated. - Sorry this weather is requiring you to powder your balls in real time.

Powdered bro-nuts. - I'm worried you'll use the crippling summer heat as an excuse to do even less around here.

Like we need an excuse. - You make me even hotter than global warming does.

Let that special environmentalist know you'd like to do some drilling. - Complaining about the weather is a full-time job.

And the benefits are lousy. - You turn me on enough to consider having un-airconditioned sex

Because when it's this hot, the person you're fucking better be too.

Because let's face it, they have air conditioning in prison.

If you can't stand the heat, get into your cubicle. - The summer heat has made me exhausted from trying to dress as slutty as everyone else

Because sometimes it's hard to look easy.

And eventually the sweat from being getting fired. - It's too hot to argue with someone who doesn't believe in global warming.

Not for Al Gore!

Advertising - This heat wave is making me as equally unproductive as any typical workday.

Summer is the perfect time to embrace your laziness.