1. Turns Out Cookie Monster Is Also A Sex-Offense Monster
Iconic pastry-obsessed muppet Cookie Monster—or possibly a person dressed as him—was arrested in Times Square over the weekend after allegedly feeling up a teenaged tourist. Considering his legendary impulse control issues, this is probably something we should have seen coming.
Technically he was created by Dr. Cookie, that's why they call him The Cookie Monster.— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 24, 2014
2. Science: Near-Death Experiences Continue To Not Be Real
According to a new study from the University of Michigan, so-called "near-death experiences"—in which people feel their spirits floating peacefully above their bodies or witness deceased loved ones coming to take them away to a better place—are mere hallucinations that result from the brain's attempts to speed up the heart's final actions so that the body can get on with decaying into nothingness in the cold, dark ground. Isn't science beautiful?
A near-death experience is just God butt dialing you— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) February 28, 2015
3. New Poll Reveals Which Areas Of The World Are Most Religious And Which Ones God Will Be Smiting Any Time Now
According to a new WIN/Gallup International poll, the most religious regions on Earth are Africa and the Middle East, with Thailand, Armenia and Bangladesh taking honors as the most devout nations. On the other hand, Western Europe and Oceania were found to be the least religious regions, while China, Japan and Sweden were the least devout nations. So, now you know where to go if you want to practice your religion without anybody murdering you.