1. NAACP Decides Against Giving Lifetime Achievement Award To Cartoonishly Racist NBA Team Owner
For reasons that are not fully understood at the moment, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People has opted against giving a lifetime achievement award to Donald Sterling, the white Los Angeles Clippers owner who made headlines recently for being caught on tape behaving like the biggest caricature of a racist asshole you can possibly imagine. Actually, come to think of it, maybe that had something to do with the NAACP's decision.
Donald Sterling should have to sell the Clippers (which would likely sell for nearly a billion dollars). That'll teach him!— Jim Hamilton (@Jim_Hamilton) April 27, 2014
2. George Clooney Finally Meets Woman Willing To Marry Him
George Clooney—the 52-year-old actor who has famously been unable to find a woman willing to look past his average looks and middling achievements in the entertainment industry—has finally managed to talk someone into taking a chance on a poor, old schlub like him. We have word that 36-year-old human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin has cautiously accepted his marriage proposal.
George Clooney got engaged? Dammit. Guess I 'll have go to back to living vicariously through my miserable single friend Jeff again— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) April 27, 2014