1. Study Finds You Have A 'Near Zero' Effect On Your Government, Which Is Slightly Higher Than The Zero Effect You Were Assuming

A new study to be published in the upcoming issue of Perspectives on Politics shows that the average non-wealthy American citizen who is not a corporation or the head of a business-controlled interest group has a 'near-zero' influence on the actions of the government. So, there you have it, the situation's not quite so bleak as it seems.

2. Woman Wins 'Math's Nobel Prize' Despite Being A Woman 

Maryam Mirzakhani—a 37-year-old, Iranian-born Stanford University professor—has just become the first female winner of the highly prestigious Fields Medal since the mathematics prize was established 80 years ago. In a press release, Mirzakhani called the award "a great honor," and said she hopes it "encourages young female scientists and mathematicians."

3. Hollywood Loses Its Sultriest Octogenarian

Iconic Golden Age Hollywood actress Lauren Bacall died in New York City yesterday from a massive stroke at the age of 89. She will forever be remembered for her part in some of the most memorable moments in cinematic history, such as this one from 1944's To Have and Have Not:

4. Your Grandparents Are Probably On The Meth

According to San Diego County records, one of the fastest-rising demographics in the methamphetamine-abuse community is the 50 and over group. "A lot of grandmas and grandpas are using meth and have been using for many, many years," according to a recovery center official. So, does this make hard candy a gateway drug? 

5. Harrison Ford And His Broken Leg To Stop Selfishly Ruining 'Star Wars'

Star Wars: Episode 7—which took a break from filming recently, after Harrison Ford selfishly decided to get surgery for his fractured leg—will restart production this month. Unless someone else decides to be a jerk and hold up everyone while they receive emergency medical care. Hollywood actors can be so egocentric.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)