1. The Michael Brown Incident Report Is Completely Blank, Thus Proving That All This Fuss Is Over Nothing

The Ferguson Police Department has finally gotten around to releasing the incident report for the shooting death of unarmed teenager Michael Brown, and wouldn't you know it happens to be completely devoid of information. So, looks like your Fox News-watching uncle was right about this being a whole bunch of hubbub over nothing at all.


2. U.S. Copyright Office Sets Monkey Selfies Free

The United States Copyright Office has just overhauled copyright law so that photographs taken by monkeys and other animals, which apparently is a thing worthy of consideration, cannot be copyrighted. "The Office will not register works produced by nature, animals, or plants," according to the government office. "Likewise, the Office cannot register a work purportedly created by divine or supernatural beings, although the Office may register a work where the application or the deposit copy state that the work was inspired by a divine spirit." So, any tasteful nudes taken by spooky ghosts are fair game.