5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - August 26, 2014
1. 'Breaking Bad' Allows Several Other Shows To Win A Few Emmys
Several shows that were not AMC's Breaking Bad—including Game of Thones, Sherlock and True Detective—were able to collect a small number of awards at this years Emmys ceremony. Bryan Cranston, who received his 217th through 223rd awards, delivered the acceptance speech of the night:
Oh fuck! Bryan Cranston is giving that speech that's gonna populate LA with a thousand more annoying actor roommates:( #Emmys2014— Jenny Mollen (@jennyandteets) August 26, 2014
Breaking Bad just won enough Emmys to qualify for a presidential bid. #2016 #Emmys— Quinn Katherman (@QuinnK) August 26, 2014
2. Thousands Of Burning Man Attendees Receive Shower Against Their Wishes
An area of the Black Rock Desert in Nevada where where this year's Burning Man Festival will be taking place received an unusual amount of rain this week, causing officials to temporarily close the event and forcing thousands of attendees to make camp in the parking lot of a local Walmart. "We're going to make good of a bad situation—I hear Pyramid Lake is beautiful, and apparently there is going to be a big party there and potentially a massive orgy," one cheerful attendee explained.
I don't like white people enough to go to Burning Man.— Sara Benincasa (@SaraJBenincasa) August 25, 2014
3. Fiscally Responsible House Republicans Somehow Managed To Find $350K Of Taxpayers' Money To Sue Obama
Republicans in the House of Representatives—who so often find it impossible to find the funds for disaster relief—have managed to scrape together the $350,000 in tax dollars needed to pay an attorney $500 an hour to sue President Barack Obama for overstepping his bounds of power and using his presidency for partisan gain.
4. Why Does NASA Not Want Us To Believe That It Has Not Found A Dead Martian's Thigh Bone?
Officials at NASA are denying that an object photographed by the Mars Rover is, in fact, the thigh bone of some sort of possibly intelligent, potentially malicious Martian creature. What appears to be definitive proof of a race of alien beings that may one day invade our planet and enslave the human race is actually just a rock, they would have us believe. The truth is out there, people!
Stupid scientists. If you want to find an alien thigh bone you check Ebay & Craigslist, not Mars.— Multiple Stab Wounds (@SonOfCha) August 24, 2014
5. Nature Really Pumped To Kill As Many People As Possible This Labor Day Weekend
While a massive hurricane moves north from the coast of Mexico up to Southern California, bringing with it potential 25-foot destructive waves, the waters off the coast of Florida are growing infested with hundreds of thousands of venomous jellyfish. Nature, just like the rest of us, is clearly trying to squeeze in a little more summertime fun before the end of the season.
Screw you, Jellyfish! I’m already soaked in urine.— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) June 16, 2014
(by Dennis DiClaudio)