1. Ben Affleck's Penis Has Popped Up On The Internet

Due to the sudden existence of a high-quality, pirated copy of Gone Girl online, you are now free to observe the aesthetic nuances of Ben Affleck's penis—which made an exceedingly brief cameo in David Fincher's critically acclaimed thriller—at your leisure. Happy Friday, people of Earth.

2. Rick Perry Wisely Points Out That Running For President Is 'Not An IQ Test'

Outgoing Texas Gov. Rick Perry—who is expected to make another run for the White House in the next election cycle—pointed out in a recent interview that "running for the presidency's not an IQ test," as should be plainly obvious to anyone who observed the 2012 Republican primaries. Oddly, this is the smartest thing that Perry has ever been quoted as saying.

3. Federal Government Gives Native American Tribes The Right To Grow And Sell Pot Until They Discover How Valuable It Is And Then Come Back And Take It Away From Them Again

The U.S. government has announced that it will not interfere with Native American tribes who opt to grow and sell marijuana products on their land, which means that people all over the country are right now hitting Google to find out how close they are to the nearest reservation.