1. Robocaller So Ashamed Of Its Robotness That It Can't Even Admit It's A Robot


It's a sad statement on modern day society that robots have been so maligned in popular culture that this health insurance-peddling robot here refuses—either through self-delusion or deep-seated shame—to admit that she is not a flesh and blood human being with a soul-crushing telemarketing job.

2. Teenage Sex Monster's Life Appropriately Ruined For Hugging Teacher

In these lawless days of Knockout games and wanton hoodie-wearing, it's nice to see justice being served once in a while. Such as this case, in which a 17-year-old high school senior was suspended—and hence will not be able to gradute for some reason that doesn't make total sense but let's just go with it for the sake of moral outrage—for apparent sexual assuat after hugging one of his teachers. Let the punishment fit the crime, we say!

3. Johns Hopkins Researchers Are Into Flaying The Skin Off Rat Penises — The Rats Probably Less So