1. Rabbi Cuts Off Infant's Foreskin Along With The Rest Of His Penis
If Pennsylvania mohel Rabbi Mordechai Rosenberg has one fault, it's probably that he does his job too well. Which is another way of saying that when he went to cut off an eight-day-old child's foreskin during a traditional brit milah ceremony, he wound up cutting off the boy's whole penis. The boy required emergency microsurgery, six blood transfusions and two months in the hospital. The mohel is currently available for your foreskin-cutting needs.
Like I'm the first person to wear a welding mask to a bris. Get over yourself.— Adam Wilson ★★☆☆☆ (@theleanover) October 6, 2013
2. Kanye West Promises To Stop Talking Shit In 27-Minute Shit-Talking Rant
In a 27-minute-long, autotuned stream-of-consciousness speech during a concert last week, Kanye West vowed to stop talking shit for about a half a year. "This might be the last time y'all hear me talk shit for a long time. Might be another, like, six months. At least. You're just gonna have to run back the interviews and shit if you wanna hear some realness." By the time he finished talking, he was most of the way through completing his promise.