1. SNL Debuts Its First Black Female Cast Member Since The Last Time It Had A Black Female Cast Member


The post-racial post-gender era of American history officially kicked off last night after Sasheer Zamata made her debut as Saturday Night Live's first black female cast member since Maya Rudolph left the show in 2007.

2. Science Discovers A Bunch Of New Ways That Cigarettes Are Killing You... Speaking Of Which, Isn't It About Time For A Smoke Break?

According to new studies, diabetes, liver cancer and erectile dysfunction are just a few of the newly-discovered dangers that you will be actively ignoring while standing outside in the cold trying inhale a cigarette about 20 minutes from now.

3. Vladimir Putin Reveals That He's Totally Cool With Gay People Named "Elton John"

In an effort to assuage foreigners that their gay athletes will face no dangers while in Russia for the 2014 Winter Olympics, Vladimir Putin revealed that he is so okay with homosexuals that he even allows a select few to penetrate his ears with their beautifully-crafted piano pop ballads.