1. Intelligent Apes Begin Their Reign Of Conquest — 'Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes' On Track To Take $70 Million From Human Movie Goers


The well-reviewed Dawn of the Planet of the Apes rose to dominance over its human competition on Friday grossing approximately $28 million dollars and heading toward a likely $70 million by the end of the weekend.

2. Congress Gives $287 Billion Tax Cut To Businesses So They Can More Easily Buy Congress

House Republicans managed to pass a $287 billion tax cut for needy people on Friday. And since corporations are now officially considered people by the Supreme Court, and because all corporations need to make money, this isn't even technically a lie.

3. The World Has Run Out Of Ramones

The original members of the seminal punk rock group The Ramones are finally reuniting. Unfortunately, they're doing it in the saddest possible way. 65-year-old Erdelyi Tamas—better known as Tommy Ramone—died in his home in Queens, New York City yesterday. The drummer was the last surviving member of the band's original line-up.