5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - July 14, 2014
1. The World Transitions Seamlessly From Caring About Soccer Back Into Caring About Rihanna
After Germany's last minute, overtime defeat of Argentina to win the 2014 World Cup, pop musician and frequently naked person Rihanna was on hand to mingle with the winning players and reaccept the mantle of public interest, on behalf of all gossip website mainstays, for another four years.
Podolski x RiRi x Shweinsteiger pic.twitter.com/Sq0HDFDcaB— Rihanna (@rihanna) July 14, 2014
With the World Cup over, Americans now turn their attention back to other things they don't quite understand. Like 4-way stops.— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) July 14, 2014
2. Katherine Heigl Strongly Disagrees With Industry People Who Say She's Disagreeable To Work With
Katherine Heigl—an actress who has gone from starring roles in major motion pictures to starring roles in over-the-counter medication commercials—is denying allegations from industry insiders that she is "difficult" to work with. "I certainly don't see myself as being difficult; I would never intend to be difficult," she told reporters at the Television Critics Association. So, there you go, she refuses to even agree with an accusation as easy as that. So, so difficult.
I don't know who in Hollywood Katherine Heigl pissed off, but I'm glad he/she still let her book that ZzzQuil commercial.— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) March 25, 2014
3. Spanish Police Warn Idiots Not To Stop For Selfies While Running From Massive Murderous Animals With Razor-Sharp Horns
Tourists who slow down to take pictures of themselves running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain may face $4,000 fines from police this year. That is, the ones who actually survive.
I wanna do my own 'running with the bulls' but use kittens with little horns glued to their heads instead :D— notyourjester (@Loli_Sug) November 20, 2012
4. Chrissy Teigen Was Fired From A Forever 21 Modeling Gig For Being Too Much Of A Big Fat Fatso
Disgustingly obese supermodel Chrissy Teigen recently recounted an incident in which she was fired off the set of a photo shoot for Forever 21 when the representatives for the clothing store found her immense fatness to be too gross for their cameras. "I showed up on set, they asked me if they could take a photo and they shoot that photo off to my agency, who then calls me as I'm sitting in the makeup chair. And they say, 'You need to leave right now. They just said you are fat and you need to come get your measurements taken.'"
What. The. Fuck. Forever 21 doesn't sell maternity clothes? What is a pregnant 21 year old like myself supposed to do?!?— Jenny Mollen (@jennyandteets) September 17, 2013
5. Apples Help Women Have Better Sex, But Not How You're Thinking, You Pervert
According to a new study in the Archives of Gynecology and Obstetrics, women who eat a couple apples every day have better "lubrication and overall sexual function" than women with "no regular apple consumption."
Gala apples are pretty, but bland. Like your best friend's girlfriend.— Ahm Seventysix (@Ahm76) May 20, 2014
(by Dennis DiClaudio)