1. The World Transitions Seamlessly From Caring About Soccer Back Into Caring About Rihanna

After Germany's last minute, overtime defeat of Argentina to win the 2014 World Cup, pop musician and frequently naked person Rihanna was on hand to mingle with the winning players and reaccept the mantle of public interest, on behalf of all gossip website mainstays, for another four years. 

2. Katherine Heigl Strongly Disagrees With Industry People Who Say She's Disagreeable To Work With

Katherine Heigl—an actress who has gone from starring roles in major motion pictures to starring roles in over-the-counter medication commercials—is denying allegations from industry insiders that she is "difficult" to work with. "I certainly don't see myself as being difficult; I would never intend to be difficult," she told reporters at the Television Critics Association. So, there you go, she refuses to even agree with an accusation as easy as that. So, so difficult.

3. Spanish Police Warn Idiots Not To Stop For Selfies While Running From Massive Murderous Animals With Razor-Sharp Horns

Tourists who slow down to take pictures of themselves running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain may face $4,000 fines from police this year. That is, the ones who actually survive.

4. Chrissy Teigen Was Fired From A Forever 21 Modeling Gig For Being Too Much Of A Big Fat Fatso

Disgustingly obese supermodel Chrissy Teigen recently recounted an incident in which she was fired off the set of a photo shoot for Forever 21 when the representatives for the clothing store found her immense fatness to be too gross for their cameras. "I showed up on set, they asked me if they could take a photo and they shoot that photo off to my agency, who then calls me as I'm sitting in the makeup chair. And they say, 'You need to leave right now. They just said you are fat and you need to come get your measurements taken.'"

5. Apples Help Women Have Better Sex, But Not How You're Thinking, You Pervert

According to a new study in the Archives of Gynecology and Obstetrics, women who eat a couple apples every day have better "lubrication and overall sexual function" than women with "no regular apple consumption."

(by Dennis DiClaudio)