1. This Is How World War III Begins — North Korea Calls Seth Rogen-James Franco Movie An 'Act Of War'

In case you're wondering which absurd little piece of straw was going to be the one to finally break the mighty back of human civilization, the smart money seems to be on North Korea's continued indignation over the upcoming Seth Rogen-James Franco film The Interview, in which their characters attempt to assassinate Kim Jong-un. Ratcheting up from the official condemnation the country issued a few days ago, a North Korean spokesperson is now threatening retaliation if the comedy is released to theaters, saying: "Making and releasing a movie on a plot to hurt our top-level leadership is the most blatant act of terrorism and war and will absolutely not be tolerated."

2. George Lucas To Build $1 Billion Museum In Chicago Before He Eventually Rebuilds It In A Couple Years

Star Wars creator George Lucas has announced plans to build a $1 billion museum full of his personal collection of art, animation and film memorabilia in Chicago. It is assumed, based upon our prior understanding of his projects, that he will shortly thereafter begin inserting digitally rendered turd-headed monsters into the Midwest city. 

3. Diane Sawyer Stepping Down As Anchor Of Nightly News Show That Apparently Some People Still Watch

Believe it or not, some people still get their news from shows like ABC's World News. Those people will probably be interested to learn that Diane Sawyer has decided to step down from her five-year position as anchor of that program. So, if you see any of those people, let them know, because they'll be completely in the dark until around 5:30 tonight.

4. FAA To Outlaw Drones That Aren't Used For Killing People

Federal Aviation Administration is set to ban the use of package delivery drones, such as those announced recently by Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. If nothing else, this decision should at least alleviate confusion for villages full of innocent people who see small unmanned aircraft heading their way. 

5. SCOTUS Wants You To Get Your TV Shows The Old Fashioned Way — By Pirating

In an historic decision, the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled against the creatively quasi-legal cloud-based antennae and DVD system known as Aereo, thus sending a clear message to consumers seeking to watch broadcast television programs without paying for cable services: Just outright pirate them the same way you do with Game of Thrones.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)