1. Shia LaBeouf Is A Walking Piece Of Performance Art — Or A Drunk Asshole

Last night, beloved actor and respected performance artist Shia LaBeouf outdid himself with his latest piece of experimental theater, A Guy Who Clearly Needs Help Drinks Too Much, Harasses A Homeless Man And Gets Arrested After Disrupting A Broadway Show. Said one non-voluntary member of LaBeouf's audience, "He was brilliant."


2. 'The View' Vaccinates Itself Against Any Future Jenny McCarthy Controversies

Anti-vaccination activist Jenny McCarthy was fired from ABC's daytime talk show The Viewalong with her co-host Sherri Shepherd, who may or may not remain agnostic on the controversial question of whether or not the Earth is a sphere. Perhaps the two entertainers will be replaced by co-hosts with a stronger grasp on reason, such as, perhaps, a potato and an old boot.