1. Fred Phelps Was Excommunicated From Westboro Baptist Church For Being Insufficiently Intolerant
When news hit a few days ago that Westboro Baptist Church's Fred Phelps is near death in a Topeka hospice, it was also revealed that the 86-year-old notoriously anti-gay religious leader had been recently excommunicated from the church he founded. According to new information, it appears that Phelps was cast into the wilderness for the unforgivable sin of wanting a "kinder approach between church members." Hopefully, his newly found grace will help take the edge off when he's posthumously turned gay by a bunch of Satanists.
GOOD NEWS: I've just agreed to donate all of my body parts to Fred Phelps. He's going to live for fifty more years. You're welcome, world?— Mark Leggett (@markleggett) March 18, 2014
2. Chick-Fil-A Head Decides He Likes Money More Than He Likes Disliking Gay People
Dan Cathy—the president and CEO of Chick-fil-a, who brought delicious chicken sandwiches to the forefront of the marriage equality debate two years ago—recently voiced regret that his past statements in "support of the traditional family" (which he still totally stands by, despite a dramatic drop-off in anti-gay donations) has so lamentably divided his company from a pile of gay supporters' money.