1. Rob Ford To Be Punished For Bad Behavior With His Own TV Show
Toronto mayor Rob Ford has been deemed such an embarrassment to his townsfolk and countrymen that it has become necessary to quarantine him on his own television program — on the Sun News Network, Canada's version of Fox News — where his boorish behavior can only be observed by anyone with a media-consuming device of any sort.
Rob Ford is everything I want out of another city's mayor.— nate craig (@Natecraig1) November 15, 2013
2. If Your Stool Appears Bloody, You May Have Come Down With Flamin' Hot Cheetos Fever
According to a new report, a steady diet Flamin' Hot Cheetos may be partially responsible for what appears to be a bloody stool epidemic in children. Though one might be forgiven for assuming that the mass consumption of the snack food was causing internal organs to break down and seep out of the body through the anus, it is in fact the red food coloring causing the "bloody" effect. So, parents should feel free to allow their children to eat the delicious food-like product at every meal.
If God created me in his image, he must REALLY love Flamin' Hot Cheetos— Yassir Lester (@Yassir_Lester) January 23, 2013