1. Half A Billion Consumers Discover Their Apple Devices Infected With New U2 Album

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Immediately following U2's surprise performance at the iPhone 6 announcement at Apple's Cupertino, California headquarters, the Irish rock band's new album Songs of Innocence was automatically added to the iTunes libraries of Apple devices across the globe. Approximately 500 million customers in 119 countries were victimized in what will certainly be remembered as one of the most devastating and vapid computer viruses in history.


2. Apple To Discontinue Miraculous Music Listening Device That You Never Ever Listen To Any More

Nearly 13 years after it was originally released, Apple's classic iPod—otherwise known as that tiny little device that somehow contains every song you've ever owned, but which sits in your desk drawer because, really, who needs to carry around that much music?—is being discontinued.

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